I'm not sure I know any successful, accomplishment-oriented person who does not struggle with this one at some point or another. Our nose-to-the-grindstone Protestant Work Ethic culture fuels it; our academic upbringing praises it; and our professional social interactions reward it.
And yet... at some point, in some way, one day it happens: our identity being rooted to our job shifts from being a source of pride and validation to being a source of pain and limitation.
For me, personally, the last year and a half have been ALL about separating the two things: me from my career -- particularly my OLD career, which provided an incredible degree of validation and ego-stroking. Who am I without it? How do I measure my value if not by my income? What does success look like if I'm not taking on something bigger or more dramatic? What do I really need from a job? Do I even like what I've been doing for two decades anymore?
Of course, in my case, I knew the answer to each of those questions before I allowed myself to ask them. And, in all fairness, that was actually WHY I went so long without allowing myself to deal with the questions directly: I knew the answer but wasn't ready to act on it yet, so it was safer to let it lie under the surface and keep myself distracted by staying as busy as humanly possible.
Until I wrapped my car around a tree and had to sit still during my recovery. In the void. And deal with the questions I didn't want to have to answer.
Someone literally said to me this past week, "What am I if I'm not busy with work?"
It's a worth while question. And if work has historically been your drug of choice, it's a hard one to start unpacking.
My best tip is to start when you talk to other people. When you meet someone new, instead of asking the tired and bland, "So, what do you do?" Instead ask something that surprises them and shakes things up, like, "So, what do you love?" I find that listening to other people grapple with how to answer and then find things to say always sparks reminders of me that there are plenty of things I love that have nothing to do with what my LinkedIn profile advertises.
At the very least, you'll get good Cocktail Party Socializing Points for not asking the same lame ass question as everyone else. Give it a shot. I'd love to hear what you discover.
Good luck with this week's dragon-slaying. Don't let 'em singe your eyebrows.
