Life is full of scary stuff.
I don’t like fear. In fact, I despise it. There are times when it’s reasonable and appropriate – even life-saving. Most of time, however, the terrors I entertain in my brain only lock me down and keep me from engaging fully in life and relationships.
Recently we had a scare in our family. Our 15 year-old son, Aaron, was diagnosed with a rare cancer. This launched our family into four months of hyper-drive. Gratefully, all the outcomes were good. The process, however, had its share of terrifying uncertainty. I learned a lot.
In reflecting on this, I recalled other scary stuff in my past. Childhood sexual abuse. The volatility of my home environment. My mom drifting into mental illness and delusional living. A good friend in 7th grade dying over Christmas break.
My parents separation and divorce. My dad’s sudden death, right in front of me. My mom’s suicide attempt. Me living alone and under the societal radar.
Mom dropping me off at a friend’s house and disappearing. Becoming an orphan. Entering a new family, not knowing what life was going to be like.
And then I turned 16.
Scary. Lots of scary. And lots more scary after that too.
I’m facing scary stuff now. I know you are too.
What will happen? Who are we now, and who will we be? How will this or that work out? What do we do next?
Etc.
Fear is exhausting. How we handle it matters. Sharing what we’re afraid of can help.
So, I’m inviting you to share your fears today. Go to the comment box below. Express your hidden terrors.
Be honest. Let it out. I’m listening.
Loss shakes us. The grief process can be full of worry and fear. If you’re scared, welcome. You’re part of this club of grieving hearts. We’ll take you, as you are, with all the mess.
Over time, may there be less fear and more peace.
Question: Would you be willing to share your fears? Go to the comment box below. We’ll all benefit. Glad to be in this with you.
My oldest son got killed suddenly by a hit and run driver a year ago yesterday, I didnt get to say goodbye.i have 2 other children, both married.im turning into a mental wreck, I’m terrified that one or both of them or my husband will get killed. I just cant accept that my son is really gone. My other son rides a motorcycle and I have this horrible fear that hes going to get killed.whenever I know my daughter is driving somewhere it’s a mental nightmare. When my husband goes somewhere if he isnt back when I think he should be I start freaking out with worry. I’m really surprised I havent had another heart attack from all this.its just awful living in this kind of fear and being so scared about everything all the time.
Hi Wilda. I’m so, so sorry about your son. What a tragic, sudden, and traumatic loss. And with no closure for you either. How complicated, painful and confusing it must all be. Wilda, do you have anyone where you are that you can share freely with? Have you heard of The Compassionate Friends? If not, please check them out. They’re a marvelous resource for those who have lost children – of any age and by any means. Again, I’m so sorry. I can feel the fear in your words. Yes, it can be debilitating and overwhelming. Please be kind to yourself.
Thank you, I have learned a lot from others by reading the comments. I was beating myself up and thinking that fear was all in my head. I now see that it is a normal feeling. I sometimes wonder if I am strong enough to withstand whatever comes into my life. Since the loss of my husband I feel so lonely ad afraid of making mistakes or wondering what will happen to me. I miss him so much, he and I would decide on most important decisions together. I feel that my family all have their own concerns. I get the feeling that they just want me to move on with my life, I try but it is not easy. I live away from my relatives I see them every now and then. Grief is really hard to bear. I feel that I never truly relax.
HI Janet. Thanks for commenting and for sharing. Yes, we tend to be very hard on ourselves, don’t we? We expect so much of ourselves, even amid terrible tragedy and emotional pain. It’s like loss thrusts us into a new realm where we’re living on the edge of our seats, all the time. Hyperalert. Our hearts have trouble settling and resting – at all. I’m so sorry. Please feel free to reach out here anytime. You are not alone…
I’m so scared to let my emotions out … waiting for EMDR for PTSD/complicated grief. Both adult sons have died, husband has had a breakdown .., psychologist said I have put a lid on my emotions. I can’t cry even .., haven’t had medication but have had IPT. I think if I let go I will never ever be able to put myself together again … eighteen months since my younger son died and six and a half years since my eldest don died. My whole future is ripped away … I’m just marking time. Sue
Hi Sue. Oh no. I’m so, so sorry. How awful indeed. I have personally benefited greatly from EMDR in the past, and I hope you will too. Please, please be kind to yourself – as kind as possible. And please reach out here anytime you want or need to. You’re not alone in this, though it might feel that way at times.
I’m afraid of what I might do when I really, REALLY lose it. I have been fighting through this absolute nightmare of losing our ten year old son day after awful day, after awful day for almost three years now. Since that time my life has only become more stressful due to work responsibilities, home responsibilities, moving, and losing a few “listening ears” that I used to depend on. I feel as if I am coming to the edge of a cliff and I’m not sure if I will remind myself of God’s promises to get me through this, as I should do, or just jump without thinking first (not literally). It’s scary to think of just how angry I get when I have those excruciatingly painful “gut punches” that come out of nowhere and I am finding myself screaming at the top of my lungs in my car for miles on end… What’s next?
Hi S.C. Thanks for sharing this. You’re not alone in feeling this, but that doesn’t make it any easier. It’s so draining, and so different, and life has changed so much. I’m so sorry. Please feel free to reach out and vent here any time. Praying for you now…
Fear of my life without my husband who passed in September. I am self sufficient and blessed with friends and family but I just want him back in my life! I pray for an early death
But would not take my own life
Pray for signs but still on my rollercoaster of grief. I just miss him here with me
Hi Donna. Thanks for sharing this. We’re made for connection and not separation – and a separation like this is painful indeed. I’m so sorry. If there’s ever any way I can support you, please let me know.
Yes, I fear that I will never ever be truly happy again. Even though I love my family that is here with me so very much, I feel a very dark cloud over every aspect of my life. I don’t want to but I can’t seem to get this evened out between my head and my heart!
Hi V.M. Yes, we wonder about that. It’s like all the oxygen in the world disappeared and now we can’t breathe. I’m so sorry. As you continue to process grief in healthy ways, it will change over time. I know that’s hard to imagine right now…
I fear being alone the rest of my life. I fear being ill without my husband here to take care of me. I fear dying alone. Whew…those are the bigs one. It’s been three years since “all is right in my world”. I fear never having that feeling again. I fear when the next shoe will drop. I fear I will finally run out of strength to keep going and no one will notice or care. I fear fear. It smothers me and makes it hard to breathe.
HI Tammy. Thank you for your honesty here. Thanks for sharing. Please feel free to write and vent any time. Often, just getting it out can bring a little relief. And the more we get out, the more space we can create to recover and heal – though that might seem impossible at times. Please be kind to yourself.
Gary,
That’s part of my problem. No one to truly vent to. I’ve never had to keep it all in. I could talk to my husband about anything and he would reassure me it was all ok. Even when I knew he couldnt fix things, it was comforting to hear him say it was ok. and he’s gone, oh, how this hurts,
Oh Jeanne. I’m so sorry. We all need someone we can trust – someone to share with. I’ll be praying for a safe person for you. No one can replace your husband, of course. No one ever will. Please feel free to vent here anytime. Yes, this hurts…
Tammy, I can identify with your fears. I struggle with some of these as well. At moments I think I will live this way and nothing will change. Knowing these can be normal to many may help, but I am sorrow you are going through this.
Hi Kathy. Thanks for sharing and for supporting Tammy. Just knowing someone is in this with us makes such a huge difference. Blessings to you…
Tammy,
I share some of the same fears, living alone for a year and a half now has been so hard, I thought I was capable and independent, confident and reliable. But, I’m finding that I’m none of those. I have no relatives close to me. I love my church family but they’re not my husband or sons, it hurts so much. My husband left unexpectedly and left so many things undone and incomplete, my sons and I are struggling to jump through all the hoops long distance, and are trying to tie up so many lose ends. It’s beyond difficult and stressful.
I fear finalizing his estate (and not a big one) will drag on for years. It’s complicared and I don’t have the heart to do this without him. I’m afraid I’ll outlive the financial support I have. Old and struggling,
I thank God He is ever near. I could never get this far without Him, but oh, how it hurts,
Jeanne, thanks for replying to Tammy. It’s so important that we all know we’re not alone in this. Thank you for expressing your fears so honestly. So many will be able to relate. I’m so sorry you’re enduring this. Please be patient with yourself. Do what you can each day to take care of you – and to process the grief as best you know how. Please keep sharing…
Do you have counsellors who can talk to grieving people online? Because I cannot physically leave my home to go see one on a regular basis. If not, what do you suggest?
Hello Caren. I offer grief coaching on a limited basis. You can check out my Coaching page of my website. There are also some online support groups available through the Grief Toolbox, the International Grief Institute, and Grief.com. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Help is out there!
I am still struggling with who I am without my husband. I am scared I can’t make it alone. Living on your own is so scary when you have had someone with you for twenty years. It is worse when you lost your best friend.
Hi Patty. Well said. Thank you for sharing this. Alone is a powerful, scary word indeed. Please be patient with yourself, and please feel free to share here any time.
I have discovered in this past week, that it is comforting although very tiring to have my husband now be in LTC for the past 5 yrs. I visit almost every day. But what fear overtook me this last week once I realized how much comfort he brings to me & what will I do when he is no longer here. Now, fear entered. I am working on all aspects of my future & know that I will not be alone. But to no longer have that comfort of knowing he is here & has been for 53+ yrs for me. It will be a blessing that his suffering is over. Is that when mine will start? I do hope I can get ahead of the fear before the time is upon me. Thank you. I have saved all of your emails for that time.
Hi Linda. Thanks for sharing. Ugh. Yes, it sounds like limbo-land. You’re grieving in some ways now, but you know there’s more to come. It’s a frustrating place to be. And yes, fear can play a big part in all that. Please reach out here anytime, Linda. Feel free to email or whatever. And please be kind to yourself. This is hard, and that’s a gross understatement.
My fear is making the wrong decision on everything my husband and I were married for 42 years and we always decided everything together it’s hard to do it by myself
Hi Rita. Yes. Now, there’s no buffer. We make decisions alone. And yes, that’s terrifying. Please be kind to yourself. And please let me know if there’s any way I can help in the future. Blessings…
It’s been 6 months since I lost my son to addiction. Through his addiction I lost myself as well. I have a daughter. I have become so fearful I will lose her too. I am afraid to discipline her. For fear she will die to. The world scares me. It is not a nice place. I wish I could keep her safe in my house and never leave.
Hi Beverly. I can certainly understand those feelings of fear. I’m so sorry. We get hit like this and our immediate instinct is to protect who and what we have left. Please feel free to write and vent or whatever. I’ll certainly help, if I can. Again, I’m so sorry about your son.
My greatest fear is losing my
Grandson , he is my only reason for getting up each day
Since his dad passed. My daughter in law is already in a new relationship.
Hi Bonnie. I too am glad you have that grandson. Our kids and grandkids make such a difference at a time like this. Please be patient with yourself. If I can ever help in any way, please let me know. Blessings to you.
I fear I will not have someone who cares about me to take care of me as I age. I got to take care of my husband at home until he died. I will not have the same.
Hi Karen. Yes, we wonder about this. I’m so sorry about your husband. Thank you for sharing. Praying for you now…
I struggle with fear of being alone when I am old. My husband and I are trying to decide if we should move closer to one of our sons, but we know one of us must work and giving up the job here and not finding work there is scary. Does God want us there and trust his process or is that a temptation to leave what he has/providing here?
HI Kathy. Those decisions can be SO tough. And I can certainly relate to your fear. I’m praying for you now, for comfort, peace, and lots of wisdom. May God make his will very clear, in his perfect timing. He loves you.
I am quite a fearful person in general.However, it is worse now since my husband passed away last year.I fear retiring in a few years time as I feel I will be alone.I fear even now the loneliness that I experience.Life has changed so much for me that fear has become part of me.
Hi Gurmit. Thanks for sharing this and for your honesty. Yes, some of us have a higher “fear baseline” than others. It can be so hard, especially when a spouse dies. Please breathe deeply and be as kind to yourself as you know how. This is hard, to say the least. Please feel free to reach out here anytime.
I lost my son 3 years ago to a drug overdose at age 20, I know I’ll never be the same. My fear is that I do not know if I will ever see him again, I don’t know if I believe all the fluff of heaven and seeing him again…….my brain keeps telling me he was burned to ashes and his face, smile, eyes are forever gone. I’m terrified my daughter will be totally alone when I am gone. I hate that, I hate my life, I’m so tired of wearing a mask.
Hi Tina. I’m so sorry about your son. And thank you for your honesty in your sharing. I can sense your struggle, and your fear and wondering. We want to know. We want to be sure of some things. Our hearts are broken and shattered, and it’s hard to know what’s what. Nothing is the same. I’m so sorry. Please feel free to email me any time. If I can help, I certainly will. Blessings to you, Tina.
Tina,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. I can identify with so, so many of your feelings.
I lost my 10 year old son 3 years ago suddenly and unexpectedly as well. I have had many doubts about Heaven, especially in the beginning.
I would tell my husband constantly that I compared these feelings to having our son go on an out of town trip and how normally he would call when he got there to let me know he was OK. This time there’s no phone call. Nobody to tell me he’s alright and he is safe.
We have to have faith in the unseen and at times that seems darn near impossible. I try to imagine something happy about our son being in Heaven to make my doubts dissipate. I like to imagine him fishing with his Uncle Mike, also in Heaven, in the crystal blue waters I envision are in Heaven or how my sweet Aunt Hettie would be loving on him constantly and he would always be trying to entertain her with one of his funny jokes or antics. Maybe you could try to imagine your son with some departed relatives that you love and imagine the beautiful and loving environment they are sharing with your son together in Heaven. It helps me and I pray it will help you as well.
I also have horrible thoughts of things I didn’t even witness- like him being in the ambulance on the way to the hospital hooked up to all kinds of wires, etc. and all without me next to him (they wouldn’t allow it). Even worse, I share your horror of thinking of his cremation in detail and even of him being held in the cold hospital morgue. It’s so anxiety inducing (a gross understatement) that I find my emotions begin to manifest through my body – my heart starts racing, I begin shaking and hyperventilating, and much more. My counselor tells me during these moments to repeat to myself, “This will pass”. Easier said than done but I find at times it helps or at least shortens the duration of my panic and fear. The fear that I won’t think about our son being in Heaven but will just instantly act. That is my fear. That I won’t think through anything and I will just instantly react to my emotions. If so, what will I do when I’m really losing it?
I also feel like I’m constantly wearing a mask on my face, all the while my insides are absolutely screaming. It’s exhausting to say the least. My husband is very supportive of me, but he worries about me so much when I share my deep emotions with him, because of my PTSD, so I don’t really share much with him anymore. He has a very stressful job and is also still grieving for our son and I don’t want to add more his plate.
I only really speak with my counselor about my true feelings. She helps me so much and I highly recommend seeing a counselor specializing in grief.
Please know that you’re not alone. I know that’s hard to believe in those terrifying moments. Perhaps if you could think of even one of the many encouraging posts from Gary’s blog and all of the comments that are made by others that are grieving as well, and then read back through Gary’s words of hope, it will make you realize that you can make it through. Day by day, minute by minute – but you can make it through this.
And most importantly, pray. Pray as often as you can that God will soften your heart to have the true belief that your son is in His capable and loving hands in Heaven. A place where there is no pain, no tears, and only indescribable love and happiness.
I wish you so much love and will include both you and your daughter in my prayers.
Am 85 years old. Fear of being alone, illness and who will take care of me. Fear of living alone, of storms, of even getting out any more. Lost husband 3 yrs ago and am so lost without him.
Hi Gayleen. Thank you for sharing. Those concerns sound very reasonable, but not fun at all – terrifying in fact. I’m so sorry. I know this has been so painful, upsetting, and confusing. Please keep being as patient with yourself as possible. Praying for you now, Gaylene.
I’m dealing with a lot of fear right now. My life has been in turmoil since my son’s death by suicide. My marriage is falling apart, we have been separated now for 2 mo. and I don’t know how this will end. There are a lot of little things going on as well. I keep praying for answers or signs that He is listening to me. I am so frightened right now I don’t know what to do. Please pray for me for guidance and God will for my life.
Thank you
Debby
Hi Debby. Thank you for sharing from your heart. I’m praying for you now, as you requested. May God give you wisdom and clarity. Most of all, may He remind you continually that His love for you is perfect and that He is walking with you in all this, all time, no matter what.
I am so sorry you have had such a horrific life, but know from your testimony God has prepared you for ministry to me and countless others.
My greatest fear is financial problems but that is nothing compared to your life. My husband left me with very little money and I have huge debt. I have no idea how to dig out. I work at 75 but can’t see how to handle all this.
God has supplied my every need. I just need some direction.
Know I will continue to pray for you, your son and family. It will be so wonderful to spend eternity with no problems but I know we are being refined through them.
Thank you for your ministry to me.
Gayle
Hello Gayle. Thanks for sharing this, and for your encouragement. Financial concerns can be huge. Massive. I’ll be praying for the direction you mentioned. God will certainly make things clear – I have no doubt. He loves you perfectly. May you experience more and more of his love and peace in the days ahead. His arms are around you…
Queen Victoria’s biggest fear after Prince Albert died was that she would live a long life. And she did, living nearly 40 more years before dying at age 81. I too know that fear, as I was only 55 when I was widowed 3 years ago. My dad lived till he was 94, so I fear living for decades alone with no one.
Now my employer has started laying off the experienced employees in favor of hiring new ones fresh out of college. Those of us who have not been laid off yet have been told that within 6 months, we will have to start training these new employees, who will, in essence, be our lower-paid replacements. They will not be based in the U.S., so there are no options for us to keep our jobs here.
I’m looking at impending unemployment with no significant savings and no one even to hold me and reassure me that I’ll find some kind of job at 58 years of age. I was unemployed for 2 years during the Great Recession, and I was much 10 years younger then.
I fear the winds of political change in the air too. Early in my career, I worked with a Cuban refugee, who described how Castro’s government took all of his family’s property and assets. Later on, I had a job that regularly took me to Latin America, and I saw firsthand what happened when Venezuela was dragged into “21st Century Socialism.” One of my clients, a major corporation, had all of its assets expropriated. But Hugo Chavez’s government didn’t know how to run the business, so it closed down and hundreds of employees lost their jobs – long before the current economic crisis there.
Now I hear much of the same Marxist rhetoric being voiced in the United States, and I fear that what little freedom and financial security I have left will eventually be taken from me.
The only silver lining to all of this is that my beloved is not here to suffer as well. But that doesn’t make my path any easier.
Hello Crystal. Thank you for sharing this. Oh my. Yes, I can see you have a number of reasons for fear to come knocking. The winds of change do seem to be blowing, and most of us living on the edge of our seats, I think. You have such a rich history. Hopefully your life wisdom will get to be shared and appreciated. We need experience like yours to inform our thinking. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Blessings to you, Cheryl…
It totally scares when I think about my son .. That he passed away 10/21/2017 ..
I hate the toughts of him Dying alone at the Hospital.. Did he know I would have been there if I knew.. I am scared I will never get over this fear
Hi Sherry. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what this would be like or what you might be enduring because of all this. Please be patient with yourself. This is hard, confusing, pain, and complicated. Breathe deeply, and please don’t hesitate to reach out here anytime. Again, I’m so sorry.
I hate the feeling of terror I feel when the devastating reality of the loss of my son hits me! Sometimes I wonder if I’ll make it.
I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing. Please feel free to reach out here any time. You’re worth it!
Greatest fear has been about loosing a child, now it’s about loosing another! Fear is a way of life for me, learning to live with it is hard but must. Being a mother was my main goal, never thought past that.
Hi Jackie. I’m so sorry. Yes, that would be a very natural fear indeed. Learning to live with fear is a key life skill…I just wish it was easier! Please be kind to yourself. If you have some safe people in your life, please connect with them. We tend to want to isolate. Please be kind to yourself, Jackie.
I fear everyday of ho w I will survive. Everyday I struggle to start the day. First husband died in 1980. He was my high school sweetheart. We were married 1-1/2 years and 11 month’s of that he had cancer. He was 27. Second marriage was 34 years when he died. Never have gotten over either one. Terribly afraid of living alone for the rest of my life. No friends no family. I hate living. Those are my fears.
Hi Bonnie. Oh no. I’m so sorry. That sounds lonely indeed. Do you have anyone where you are that you can share freely with. We all need people like that. Please feel free to email me, if you wish. Praying for you now…
My fear is my whole future … both adult sons died aged 33 and 36 and husband has had a breakdown and been in hospital theee times. Parents are old and ill and I dont live near any family. I’m scared I will be left on my own … everyone is dying.
Oh Sue. Wow. So say that’s a lot is an understatement indeed. I’m so sorry. No wonder you’re scared. Do you have anyone that you can talk with and process all this with. I’m praying for you now. Please breathe deeply and be very patient with yourself.
I am so confused with death. My daughter passed suddenly this past summer and I have a lot of fear. Where is she, is she’s safe. It is not my husband’s child and he is not supported . I feel so alone. I need to leave my husband. However Fear always comes into it
Hi Shirley. Thanks for sharing this. I’m so sorry. How painful, scary, and complicated. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Fear does tend to knock, and keep knocking. Praying for you now…
I fear making my sister, who I live with, mad. I fear making my adult children mad. I lost my husband to cancer 7 years ago. I was no longer able to work as an RN because of grief. Money was stolen from my husband’s auto mechanic business and thousands of dollars were charged to my husbands account from the auto parts store. This was because his son and girlfriend were making meth. Some of his friends also took advantage and stole.
Six months after he died I came down with an onset of TIAs that have plagued me on and off daily. I still do not have a diagnosis
My daughter invited me to live with her and her family. Relations were strained because Mu daughter did not feel I was getting better. She stressed counseling.
I move to a subsidized apartment for a year, then moved back with to be involved with my many children and grandchildren who lived in the area. Again relations were strained because she thought I could get better with counseling. I still had daily numbness attacks that were debilitating.
Three years ago I moved in with my sister. She has been a wonderful friend and hep to me. Two years ago I had a car accident. My car was totaled. I was no longer able to drive because of the symptoms of my stroke-like attacks, including confusion and dizziness. My sister takes me to appointments. I also ride my bike. I give her rent money
My daughter does not like the fact that I am not well. She wants me to get back into life and be the same as I was 7 years ago. I am now 68. I do not have money for counseling. I am waiting for a diagnosi for my stroke-like attacks. She has told me I have been hard on my family because I cannot come to some family get dinners nor grandchildren’s events. She is an RN. I am a retired RN. We have differing values. She is a rehab type of a nurse. I am a hospice and geriatric nurse.
I only have one daughter. I am dismayed that this relational problem is a deadlock between us. I do not want to have theses stroke like attacks. I am am left with speech difficulty, confusion and canot think. I also have blurry vision. Then the attacks will lift but I am never well. Then another will come. It is not my fault. I a, doing the best I can. I an easy to get along with I am quiet and loving
Hello Jonilyn. First of all, thank you for your life of service to others. This is my tenth year in hospice – what an honor and privilege it is. I’m so sorry for all you’ve endured and are still enduring. The uncertainty of it all would drive me crazy. After being so active, I can only bet that the current situaiton is very, very challenging. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Please feel free to email, vent, or whatever. You are not alone in this. Blessings to you, Jonilyn.
My biggest fear is losing the last person of my immediate family, which is my son. The two most significant people in my life have died – my husband from cancer and my youngest adult son who was killed as a pedestrian in a hit and run last summer, so that now I have one remaining adult son. As I look towards retirement in a few years fear, if I allow it, creeps in and wraps itself around my mind suggesting that I will be old, alone, and have no one to turn to for love and companionship. It is at those times that God reminds me of who I am and who I belong to. I cling tightly to the promises in the Bible that speak directly against the kind of emotionally paralyzing fear that if allowed free rein, would destroy the relationships I do have by poisoning my mind with what if’s. This has allowed me to use my pain as a catalyst to reach out to others through volunteering and truly caring for others in a way I have never been able to before. True story: after another significant loss in my life three years ago, my favorite cup, full of tea, broke apart for no apparent reason, and tea spilled all over my kitchen countertop and I thought to myself, “great, another victory for the enemy,” but God stopped me in my tracks, and within my heart told me that my pain, like the tea running behind my canisters and onto the floor, would be used to run into other people’s lives and speak hope and life to them. This is now exactly what is happening.
Bonnie, bless you. Thank you for commenting and sharing this with us. One of our greatest challenges is taking what happens and using it as fuel for good. You have done that and are doing that. God gave his life for us so that He could give his life to us and live in us and through us. You’re allowing that to happen. Thank you. We speak hope. We speak life. And we keep speaking it. Praying for you now…
I am scared that I don’t have one single person in my life who is my friend or any of my family. All of the relationships I’ve made prior to my recent mental and physical diagnoses were based out of the many wrong lessons I had as a child. It hurts to loose everything you thought was real so quickly. Grieving is painful and lonely.
Hi Kristen. Thank you for sharing and for your honesty here. Ugh. I’m so sorry. When we discover the depths of our past, suddenly there is more loss. And we have to rebuild. Sometimes almost from scratch. The key is to remember that everything up to now counts – and that you have more tools in your toolbox than you realize. But right now, all is emotion, wounds, and loss. Please be patient with yourself, breathe deeply, and take your time. So much of this will pass. And please feel free to reach out here. Blessings to you, Kristen.
I am afraid of having to grow old alone. I am afraid of starting a new life without my husband.
HI Jane. I’m so sorry about your husband. That loss changes everything. Fear would be very natural. Ugh. Please feel free to share here anytime, Jane.
Since the loss of my Son, I am scared of everything. At first it was because I was worried about my other 2 children and husband dying. I still worry about this although not as much. I felt like I was somewhat in control of my life before my Sons car accident and now I know I’m not, anything can happen at anytime. I feel safest at home and do not like to go out much. When I am out I have high anxiety. My Son is going through a custody battle which it looks like he will lose, I want to change that but I can’t. I support him, but it doesn’t feel like enough. He lost his dad and brother within 3 months unexpectedly. I wish for good news but it’s all bad.
HI Marlene. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry about you son. Yes, those fears are natural. And yes, staying at home is easier and less threatening. We feel more “in control” of our environment. And yes, when we’re in times of loss, all we seem to hear about is more loss. We’re broken and sensitized, and we pick up on pain – every little pain, everywhere. I’m so sorry, Marlene. Please keep sharing here, as you want or need to. Vent. Share. Process. You are not alone in this. Feel free to email as well. Please take care of yourself. You’re worth it. Praying for you now…
After losing my eldest son I now worry about my other 2. I go into panic mode if they’re late getting home or to work. I dread getting a phone call from them if they’re on the road.
Hi Dawn. Yes…we naturally become more protective, and more fearful. I’m so sorry. Please be patient with yourself. I hope you have some safe people in your life you can share with?? Praying for you now, Dawn.
That pursuing the divorce isn’t God’s will.
Hi Trese. What a difficult choice. I’m praying for you now, for wisdom and insight. God loves you perfectly, and He will guide in this. Praying for clarity. Praying that you experience more and more of His love for you. He walks with you in this stuff. He is closer than you know.
I lost my husband last April of liver disease. It was a gradual/sudden thing. I watched him dying in the hospital. He just turned 56. We have 4 year identical twin boys. I fear the future and how I’m going to take care of my boys by myself physically, mentally and financially. I fear my boys growing up without a dad, just like I did when I was a child. I fear that I’m going to die since I’m the only parent left. I fear growing old since I’m an older parent and not being able to see my boys and their children when they grow older.
Julie, I’m so sorry about your husband. If I try to put myself in your place, I would be concerned and wondering about all these things – and more. It sounds so lonely, and scary. If there’s anything I can ever do for you, please let me know. Please take good care of yourself.
I have been diagnosed with an aneurysm of the aorata and will see a heart surgeon on Wednesday I am still grieving my husbands death last year and am fighting fear and trying to trust God . Asking for prayers.
Hi Mary. Oh no. That’s today! Praying for you now, that the appointment goes well and you get some clarity on all this. May God give you peace and wisdom. May He bring healing and relief and comfort amid all this. Please feel free to reach out here anytime, Mary.
I am scared of living alone again. I am not sure scared is the word, I just don’t like it. It is lonely and doesn’t feel the same. I just moved and was recently asked, So, does it feel like home yet? My very first thought and feeling was no, and it never will. When you have a family and you live with them, it is the love between you that “feels like home”. When you lose your husband and your children get married and move out your home does not have the same feel. Even little things most people take for granted “feel” different. When you leave to go to the store there is no one there to say,I’ll be right back or do you want to go with? And you return home to an empty house and empty feeling. You know it’s bad when you are saying good morning and good night to Alexa. And yes occasionally saying, “Alexa, I’m back!” I have learned there is no sense in trying to explain this to most people. I have found only those who have experienced the same type of loss can fully understand it. Understand that the silence can be deafening. A home once filled with love and laughter can easily feel like an empty Tomb. Putting on the TV and or Christian radio as back ground noise help a bit but no where near the same “feeling” as loving banter and interaction with those you love. Walls make houses, loving family make houses “feel like home”.
Hi Cheryl. Thank you for sharing. Well said. I’m certain many of us can relate to this. Place is important, but people are our home. If the right people are missing, all the world can seem empty. Ugh. Nothing replaces their faces, voices, smiles, laughter, and presence. Nothing. God created them and use and placed us together. That’s special beyond belief. Separation is so, so hard. Please feel free to make contact any time, Cheryl. Again, I’m so sorry…
I just find living alone so scary. Although I am lucky to have family and fiends – I worry about taking ill suddenly or having an accident. This has been worsened by the fact that I tripped and fell in the house once. Although unhurt it really shook me up. I was married for 40 years and until recently never lived alone. During the day I feel reasonably ok – I still work part time and am around other people most days. Evenings and night time are my worst times – I feel as though I am truly on my own then. I long to become more self-sufficient and content with my own company. Just wish I knew how.
Hi Maire. Yes, evenings are usually the most challenging times. I’m so sorry. This is really uncharted territory. We’ve never been here before. Adjustment takes time. But it’s frustrating, and confusing, and scary. Please be kind to yourself, Maire. And please feel free to contact me at any time. Blessings to you…
Everything since my husbandpassing
Hi Corinne. Yes, that loss really does change everything. All of life is different. I’m so sorry. Ugh.
Your published articles about how you responded to your son’s cancer meant so much to me today.
My husband moved to heaven 2.5 years ago, leaving me alone with no family near. Not long after I had a major health challenge that lasted through much of 2018. Praise God it was resolved. Now I’m experiencing another health challenge as is one of my dogs. Yes they are extra important to me now.
Getting out of my head and being aware of others is huge. Thank you for writing and sharing your journey.
Hi Kathy. Thank you for your kindness and encouragement. I really appreciate it. And you are so right. Getting out of our own heads is massive! We can encourage each other in that! The world needs us. Badly. Here we go…
Gary, thank you for the work that you do. Thank you too, for this very candid piece about your own fears and the trials you have lived through, yet stll make it your mission to help so many others.
I, too, hwve lived through much pain and loss and that has made me more passionate about and decicated to helping others through loss, grief and other tough life challenges.
The wisdom and hope of your messages shines through and I know reaches, and is a blessing to many.
Hi Iris. Thanks so much for commenting, and for your encouragement. It means more to me than you know. I really appreciate it. Honestly, I just show up, and trust that something meaningful will happen. God is good like that. And I know you pass along wisdom and hope in droves! Keep up the good work!
Since my husband’s death, I am afraid of EVERYTHING. The thought of being around people, leaving the house, driving, me dying, my dogs dying… the list goes on and on. I don’t sleep and now I’m afraid of not sleeping.
Hi Gail. I’m so sorry. Yes…it’s like the fears build over time. Please be kind to yourself, and if there’s anyone safe in your life that you can share with freely, please do so. Just “getting it out” can be helpful. Thank you for having the courage to share, and please feel free to do so anytime. I’m here…
Fear of being alone fear of how I’m going to make alone without my husband, financial fears
Hi Donna. Ugh. Yes. These fears are huge, and so natural. How could we not wonder about these things. I’m so sorry, Donna.