Life, and grief, can become a treadmill.
When I was 12, I had a gerbil named Ralph. He was an interesting, good-natured, and incredibly energetic creature. Confined to a small life in a cage, Ralph ran. And he ran, and ran, and ran. Around and around in his gerbil wheel. Constantly. Incessantly.
As I was on the treadmill this morning, I thought of Ralph. I laughed.
Ah, Ralph. Always moving, but never going anywhere.
I feel like that sometimes, especially when life hurts.
The routine is already so demanding that the temptation to go through the motions and live on auto-pilot is always present. When I’m wounded by loss, my “run faster” instinct kicks into high gear.
Perhaps this is partially the result of childhood trauma and other heavy losses along the way. Whatever the case, my heart is familiar with living in fight or flight mode.
I come to my senses and step off the treadmill for a moment.
I pause and take a deep breath.
I listen.
I become a little more present.
I ask myself, “Why are you here?”
I know the answer. My why is to love God and love people. My heart settles a bit. I keep breathing deeply.
I would like to say I stay present with my why, but the reality is that I’m human. Before I know it, I’m back on the treadmill, plugging away at life like a gerbil in a wheel.
Do you feel stuck at times, caught in a cage of frustration, grief, or pain?
Has life and loss exhausted you?
Do you feel like you’re always moving, but wonder if you’re really going anywhere?
If so, please comment below. Tell me your story.
Who knows? Maybe we can encourage each other.
Pause. Take a moment. Breathe. Listen.
Questions: Do you feel stuck at times, in grief and in life? Are you worn out, fatigued, exhausted? Do you wonder where you’re going in life? Let me hear from you. Share in the comment box below. I’m glad we’re in this together.
Thank you again for a uplifting way with words expressing daily struggles about grief. I have juggled a great deal of heartbreak these past two years(2017-2018).I lost both my in-laws within 7months apart. My husband and I carried most of the hardship caring for the two of them, but my most recent
Tragic event was the death of my 25yr. Old Son June 22.2018. I may never know the real truth of my Son’s death( still under investigation due to Homicide) We believe he was helping a person or people he knew or didnt and they choice his ulitmate fate. He would help others in need at any given moment. Such a kind hearted young man. I guess we taught him too well? I struggle everyday to get back to some kind of normal again. Somedays, I run at full speed just like running on a treadmill feeling like I never go anywhere but I’m so exhausted and disappointed that I never get anything relevant accomplished, but on other days I was able to get one or two items checked off my “to do list”. I know I have to be patient and pause with myself which I do often and I also agree with you that I am here to Love God and Love all People. Really that is what Life is about. If it wasn’t for Love I wouldnt be hurting and grieving as I do for all the losses of loved ones in my life. Loss is not new to me. I lost my Dad at the age of 7yr.old and I’m now almost 50yrs. I’ve searched a lifetime to figure this out but I believe with the death of my son it has opened my eyes to the real reason for grief and it all begins with LOVE.
HI Tracy. Goodness. So many losses over the years. I’m so sorry – especially about your son. Yes, you’re right. We’re created for relationship. Separation hurts. We love, and so we grieve. No wonder grief hurts so much. Please be kind to yourself, Tracy. You deserve that. And feel free to make contact here anytime.
Five months into widowhood’ after a 44 year fulfilling’ romantic’ contented’ those – bygone days – type marriage’
Yes I am exhausted of replaying the turn of events’ that led to my husband’s death’-Though he was suffering of Parkinson’s for the last few years –
I am exhausted from the guilt and remorse and self doubt’
I am exhausted from the crying and weeping in secret’ in private, – as not to worry our two sons’ and add more concern in their daily responsibilities ‘also not to bother the friends and relatives with my grief and sorrow’ as their attitude and “cliche” remarks show that they’ve already and very easily are back to their own daily work and family routine ‘
I am exhausted from the acting I have to do -that all is well- while attending cousins’ get togethers’ yet within, my heart is shattered from the forever absence of my husband’and I am the unpaired one’ the uncoupled one in their group ‘
Grateful for the therapy and the support from yours and several other Grief Blogs’ through their shared various grief stories’ they do make me feel less alone less abandoned in this new reality of a widow . . .
Laura
Hi Laura. Thanks for sharing with us. Well said. I think most of us on the grief road have felt similar things, though our exact feelings and losses are of course unique. The acting is exhausting. Our hearts wince and moan with it, but at the same time we want to protect ourselves. We feel vulnerable enough already. I’m so sorry about your husband. That loss really does change everything. Please reach out here anytime, Laura.
Our 7 year old son went to school one morning, waved goodbye to his Dad. Five minutes later he went down on his knees while walking to assembly and died. Without warning my life ended that day. I go through the motions everyday, but I am not alive inside anymore. The day he died, it was my husbands birthday and only three weeks after he turned seven. No time, support, friends, family can relieve the pain. His death was my death. But I have to get up each day, put a smile on my face and wake my daughter up. For her I will face each day. It’s exhausting to be dead inside and so scared for her. She still has to grow up with some sort of normalcy. Our house used to be loud with laughter, now you can hear the clock ticking. ……
Hi Marlene. Thank you for sharing this. How devastating. I can’t imagine all the emotions and everything else you have been through. Do you have someone that you trust that you can talk to and share freely with? Please feel free to share here anytime, Marlene. Again, I’m so sorry.
It has been 3 years now since my husband passed away and I am always exhausted. I fear the future without him and just try to make it one day at a time. Life is difficult enough but alone it is devastating.
Hi Sherri. Well said. Thanks for sharing. Yes, exhaustion is the number one symptom grieving hearts experience. Ugh. Please reach out here anytime. I’m here to help, if I can. Blessings to you, Sherri.
This is me exactly. Caught on a treadmill of bending and changing for others because there grief is more than mine. Losing myself in order to make their lives easier. Sacrificing my happiness because they may need me. Knowing full well if I left or wasn’t around they would be fine and that breaks me.
Hi Kim. Thanks for sharing this. I know that many can relate and you’re not alone in these feelings. We “givers” and “helpers” tread a fine line between loving others and sacrificing ourselves in the process. If there’s anything I can do for you, or any way I can encourage you, please let me know. Blessings to you…
Wow, this definitely came at the right time. Over the weekend I felt so alone, just trying to be me and it was not working. I tried to stay busy, going shopping and just being out of the house. Midway through the day I realized I am just really going nowhere on my journey. I am still heartbroken, I feel so numb and I feel so alone. It has been 3 years and I feel like my healing is going backwards. Everyone else is moving forward and I am just pretending to move forward when deep inside I am still so broken and so alone. No one gets me or my feelings, they try but they just don’t understand. Thank you for sharing…. I always look forward to reading your articles.
Hi Angel. Thank you for sharing this. I know many of us feel, well, stuck and like we might even be backtracking somehow. We pretend, because emoting is not accepted very well. I’m so sorry, Angel. Is there anyone there you can share freely with – a support group? Other grievers? We all need people who “get it,” at least to some degree. Please be kind to yourself. You’re more important than you realize. Praying for you now…
Thank you Gary. I know the feeling of being stuck on the treadmill. I feel like I never get off it. I lost my dad in September. I never got over losing him. I feel guilty in not spending more time with him..My dad was a wonderful man.Toward the end of his life my dad was sick. My step mom put him in a home. The place was beautiful,and The staff was great. The only problem Was my dad did not want to be there. He wanted to go home and to be loved by his wife. He did not greet that. He just wanted out. He wanted me to get a place with him. I couldn’t do it. I know that where he was ,was the place he needed to be. I just can’t stop feeling quality about it.
I lost my sister in December. Here I go again. Feeling guilty about not spending time with her I love my sister. We had alot off great time together, but toward the end of her life I wasn’t around. AGAIN. No-one fault but my own. Messing up is they best thing I can do.
February I lost my soul mate, my love of my life. I loved him so much. We had so many plans that we never did. My heart sank. It feel in million pieces. I can not get out of a slub. I don’t understand why.we talk that morning and everything was fine. I have no answer why he pass. No closure. No grave site to go to. No answer to why. I’m trying hard to understand but I just cant. I feel that I am on that treadmill and I will never get off. I feel that it’s the only place I will ever be. My heart just can’t take anymore pain.
Thank you for letting me vent. Sorry it was so long……
L
Nancy, I’m so sorry. What large, huge losses, all in row, and so quickly. No wonder you feel as you do. Yes, almost all of us wonder what we could have done, might have done, wish we had done. None of us live perfectly, and what we wish we had done comes back to haunt us later. Of course, we never know that in the moment. Life is busy and demanding. I’m praying for you now. For peace. For healing for your heart. For kindness toward yourself. Thank you for sharing.
I lost my son,Joshua, almost 5 years ago to drugs.. I thought I was going to go crazy and I think I really was til. I grabbed a ho!d of myself. I go through times where think I’m going to be ok and then before you know it I am crying and crying and will stay that way for awhile. I pray for help slot and that helps me. I don’t think it will ever stop. It helps listening to others.
Hi Kathy. Thank you for sharing with us. I’m so sorry about Joshua. I love that name. What a terrible, tragic loss. The grief can be so deep and intense. Please breathe deeply and do what you can to take good care of yourself. You can honor Joshua by taking care of you. Please feel free to reach out and share here anytime. Blessings to you, Kathy.
My grief journey started when my 17 year old son walked out in front of a car. I feel exactly like your gerbil. I went back to teaching after 3 months. I felt like I needed to keep busy. My son was the youngest of 5 and now we have an empty nest. After 3 years I still get panic attacks and am so tired all of the time. I don’t want to be around people except for those that I am closest to, my children and my co-workers who were there for me when my son died.
Hello Tammy. Thank you for sharing with us. I’m so sorry about your son. Ugh. At the time, it might have been good that you went back to teaching. It’s hard to know. We’re all such individuals when it comes to grief. I really despise panic attacks. Ihad to finally view them as the grief in me getting out in a concentrated fashion. That helped me endure them when they came. Please feel free to share or reach out here anytime. You’re not alone in this, although I know it feels that way sometimes. Blessings to you, Tammy.
Gary this blog was shared to me by a dear friend Jenni Moore. Eight years ago my 29yr old daughter was brutally murdered. She had been missing for 11 days and her Dad and his friend her decayed i believe by the Grace of God. I am still holding on by a thread. I have a great job but i don’t care anymore about anything. I think i am being very jealous with my time grieving so hard but i just can’t find a way to let go. Iam sad, angry, lost, anxious and depressed. We havd had no justice for her. Thanks for letting me vent.
Hi Carla. Oh my. I’m so sorry about your daughter. How terrible. No wonder you feel as you do. I can’t imagine what you have endured, and are enduring. Please feel free to vent anytime. You’re not alone, Carla, though I know it feels that way many times. Please be very kind to yourself in this.
I also feel I am on a treadmill most days….Same routine. I lost my Son 4 years ago at age 40. I don’t really understand why he had to leave us at such a young age. My heart and life are shattered. I cry daily because I miss him so very much. I find it hard to be happy. Somedays I just feel I go through the motions. I attend TCF group on a monthly basis when I can go and my husband has been trying to help me also.I don’t sleep well and I dread the night because that is when I recieved “the call” that my Son had passed away. Even as I write this, I am in tears. Somedays I write in a journal about my feelings and that does help some. I just need answers and of course I won’t get the answers I need on this earth. I rely on my faith that
God will help me and I look for scriptures for answers. I had prayed for God for protection for my Son and then a couple of weeks later he passed. Was that Gods way of protection, by taking him back? I am not angry at God at all…. I attend church but cry during services. I just don’t understand. HELP please.
Hi Susan. Thank you for sharing and for being so honest. I’m so, so sorry about your son. A loss like that changes everything – especially for a mom. It naturally shakes us spiritually, in many ways. It generates all kinds of questions and wondering. I’m so thankful for your faith. The Lord is with you in this. He knows all about child loss, and He gave his only Son for us. It’s different for us, of course, but He feels what we feel. He knows our hearts. His love for you is limitless, and He is walking with you in this mess. You’re right – understanding is beyond us. Way beyond us. We live in a broken world where unspeakable things happen – even to us and those we love. It’s painful, hard, and confusing. We’re designed for relationship, not separation. No wonder we grieve. Please keep being patient with yourself, Susan. And please feel free to email, comment, vent, or whatever. I’m here to help, if I can. Praying for you now…
I do feel stuck at times and certainly don’t know where I’m going or who I am some days. I lost my husband Clark 19 1/2 months ago. I volunteer for 2 hours daily in the hospice office where I worked before Clark needed my full time care. I also help the chaplain in a Life After Loss grief class. I attend church and recently joined an adult SS class. I have great friends who support me. I go out to eat with them, take day trips etc. I also spend time alone at home. Most days I simply feel I’m doing the motions just to get the day over with. Thank you for all you do Gary.
HI Teri. Good to hear from you! Thanks for sharing. Wow. You are really working at this – using your grief for good, and that has to add up to healing for you over time. But yes, we feel like we’re walking around in a haze – almost like there’s part of us missing. Maybe there is. Life has changed. We have changed. And we don’t know what all this is leading to in terms of our next steps. It’s a challenging place, this grief road. Thank you for giving back to others. You are a blessing indeed.
Good morning Gary. I just read your passsge. And i can put myself in that spot. I lost my younger sister in Sept.2017 @ 51 due to a massive heart attack. We had a falling out in 2010 and had not spoke to each other up untill Aug.2017. I feel like i got jipped because she died before we could get things worked out. We were on the way to doing this but taking baby steps. When we were younger we were very close. I was the big sister helping my grandmother look out for her after our mom died in 1970.My father was abusive to me so thats way we landed up with my grandmother. She passed away in 1983. Im still to this day having a hard time with both my sister and my grandmother being gone. I feel all alone and just want my sister and grandmother back. I have an older brother who was just located last year and saw him for the 1st time in 30+ years. He was in our live growing up and in our eyes he could do nothing wrong. And to this day i still feel the same way. Now im afarid of losing him, he is my only sibling left. Sure i have children, grandchildren, and a wonderful husband third time around for me. But its not like having your sibling. I miss my sister and wished my brother lived close to me.
Good morning, Barbara. Thanks so much for sharing this. The loss of a sibling is, well, different. Of course, all loses are unique. But silbings…special relationship there. And not being able to really get things worked out with your sister has to be frustrating. I’m so sorry, Barbara. Please reach out here anytime. I’ll be glad to listen and do what I can to help. Blessings to you…
Thank you so much for your posts, Gary. My 18 year old son passed away 4 months ago (tomorrow) after suffering a life of medical issues. I struggled for the first several months as all the others above. But I have 3 other children and a husband. I realized we all need to find a reason to live and a reason to go on. I’ve decided to let the verse “Most of all let love guide your life” Colossians 3:14 be my guide. I will honor my son and his memory by loving and giving back to the world. Let Love guide you. Peace and blessings to all❤️
Hi Chrissy. Oh no. I’m so sorry. How tragic, and painful. I’m so proud of you. Yes, we dig deep and find ways to live and honor them. God is clearly working in you and through you. This is what we were designed for – to be reflections of him and his goodness and love. Praying for you now, Chrissy. Please feel free to share anytime.
It breaks my heart to see all these parents going through the same thing that I am I lost my daughter June will be 4 years ago. I am finally starting to feel life come back into my soul that I did something very drastic to create that because I was on the verge of suicide right after Christmas it is something that I love to share but too in-depth to share here for all of you who have lost children I created a Facebook group called Walking With Jesus Through child loss I would encourage you to reach out to us we are a loving caring group with members who have lost children from illness in infancy to murder and suicide as teens or young adults we have just about every scenario you can think about within our membership I’m sure you’ll find someone who can relate to your situation. I would add that I will pray for all of you to find God’s peace and love through this journey but most of all that you find loving life again
Thanks again, Joy. So glad that we’re in this together.
I lost my husband suddenly 7 months ago today…. he was my rock, best friend, and soulmate… I really don’t think I have fully excepted it yet, I just feel so alone. It’s hard to go to church and him not be with me. I just go to work and when I get home I just try to stay busy… yes I do feel like I am on a treadmill… I don’t ask people for help, I have never been the type to ask for anything. I had a rough childhood, then I married an abuseive man, my son died at 20 months old. Then I meet my soul mate..we had just celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary the first and he passed on the 16th. I went to grief share but I didn’t stay. I have a lot of people praying for me and I know that or I probably wouldn’t be writing this comment. I have a lot of anger in me and I have never been that type of person… I don’t cry very much.. I guess because I haven’t come to the realization that he is never coming back… thank you for listening… sorry my post is so long… blessings
HI Karen. Thank you for commenting and for sharing so honestly. I’m so sorry about your husband – and all the other losses that are back there as well. It can be shocking when anger appears – at least, it was for me. Anger was all around me growing up, so I stayed as far from it as I could. Feeling it was scary, and still is. This is grief. Uncharted territory. And each loss is different. Do you best to accept yourself where you are, as you are. And please feel free to share anytime. Praying for you now, Karen.
Dear Karen, I’m a little further along in my grief than you, but I too have dealt with any of the same feelings as you. My beloved and I shared 55 years of life together. We were both actively involved in church over the years. After his passing 14 months ago, it hurt going back — he wasn’t in his usual place. I’d look for him in the video booth, but someone else had taken his place. I still go to church, but not as faithfully,and not actively involved, but I know I’m where I need to be. As far as anger, I too, am not an angry person, and when anger showed it’s ugly face shortly after he died, I had to deal with it, knowing that neither he, nor God, would have me be angry. It’s been several months, but each day gets better — a little easier. I pray that you, too, would find the Lord’s peace amidst your suffering. Time may not heal, but God is the Infinite Healer of our broken hearts and souls. And He can put our lives back together again. I still take one day at a time, and give myself the grace and time to grow and heal. I pray that you can do the same!
Sandy, thanks for replying to Karen. And thank you for sharing this. I think many can relate. And so well said too. I’m so grateful for your faith. He is with us in this – in all the mess, feeling what we feel. He’s closer and more loving than we can imagine. Loss can dull our spiritual senses, but thankfully He never pulls away from us. Blessings to you. Praying for you now…
Between June 2016 and July 2018 I lost an Aunt I was very close to, an uncle who died very suddenly, a dear family friend who died suddenly, my Mum and another close friend who died far too young. I lived with my Mum my whole life and was her carer for 6 years. She was my best friend and we were extremely close. We went through such an awful time with her final illness that I am suffering terrifying flashbacks and other symptoms of PTSD. It is so hard to carry on, I just want the world to stop. Yet I have no one to reach out to because these people I lost were pretty much my support system in life. It’s horrendous and I don’t honestly know how to do this apart from clinging to God.
Oh Ruth. Thanks for sharing with us. I’m so sorry. What a heavy load. Thank you for your love and compassionate heart towards others. Thank you for that labor of love in caring for your mom. Yes, we cling to God. He feels our pain and loneliness. He reminds us of eternity and that this life is just the intro to the forever story ahead. We rest in him, as best we can. I’m praying for you now. Please reach out, anytime.
Thank you for this article. My thoughts and prayers go out to all who commented.
I myself feel like I’m in another place, not really here. I feel that nothing will ever be the same since the loss of my husband and it is nothing that I can do about it.
Everything seems empty without him. I feel happiness for a short while. I long for my husband. I know I am blessed and I thank God but yet I still feel the void. I try to keep busy but I’m on a treadmill going no where.
Hi Janet. Thanks for sharing. Yes…we feel, well, “different.” It’s like we have a different perspective, and the world has changed for us. It’s not the same place, and we don’t have the same life – we ourselves aren’t the same. I’m so sorry. Please breathe deeply and keep taking good care of yourself. Praying for you now, Janet.
Last year I lost my sister-in-law, my father and my dog. My daughter & grandkids moved 850 miles away and my husband had to enter a nursing home. I am alone. I keep plodding along waiting for it to get better. I feel like God hates me.
Hi Tami. Oh my. What a string of terrible losses. I’m so sorry. No wonder you feel alone – and frustrated, I’m sure. When life is full of pain, God can seem far away. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. I’m here to help, if I can. Praying for you now…
My “treadmill” just sits. And collects things. Like all the projects the part of my brain that thinks of projects thinks. Problem is, the part of my brain that helps me feel like actually doing them is dormant 99% of the time. 54 months and 8 days. Might as well be 54 eternities and 8 eons. I don’t know why I’m here. I just know without my husband, I’ve become invisible, except on very rare days when someone might email or call me- other than bills and robo calls.
Hi Barb. Thanks for sharing this. I like the way you express this. I can visualize it, and feel it a bit too. Time certainly takes on a whole new meaning. Invisible. Ugh. It’s like we shrink, or go to a place where others can’t see us – really see us – even though we’re right in front of them. Lonely indeed. I’m so sorry.
I spend most of my time working and being grateful while at the same time always on the verge of tears. Some days are more weepy than others since even being positive doesn’t negate my pain because at the end of the day our 18 year old son is still dead. That was 4 1/2 years ago.
Kathi, thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry about your son. You’re right – being positive doesn’t take away our pain. We have holes in our hearts and lives, and it hurts. It just hurts. We miss them. We always will. If there’s ever anything I can do for you, please let me know. Blessing to you, Kathi.
June will be 4 years for me after losing my daughter so I understand how you feel I’d like to invite you to my closed Facebook group for bereaved parents it’s called Walking With Jesus Through child loss we help each other because each of us knows and understands everyone in the group has someone else in the group that lost a child and exactly the same manner not all child losses are the same and no two are exactly alike but I’m sure you’ll find someone who understand your journey like no other. I’m so very sorry for your loss I hope that you will join us.
Hi Joy. Thanks for your continued, compassionate support of others. We’re grateful for you!
I did get some encouragement from this story. I lost my daughter, will be 4 years ago May 16th, (now the dreaded worse day of my life)2 days after her 30th birthday to a blood clot caused by an auto accident. I had no encouragement really. I kept going to church. But as days turned into months I sat on my bed every day. I have bad arthritis in my knees and can barely walk. I am stuck. I cant get around I cant exercise (which I used to love) so I have packed on about 50 lbs on top of already being heavy. I have no where to turn. I cant get out of the house because of steps that require me to go up and down.I havent been to church in about 8 months, I get out about 4 days per month and I have suffered from horrible agoraphobia and panic attacks since I was 7 yrs old. I am stuck in a very bad way. I feel myself dying, almost literally. I dont feel like I will be here this time next year and though I fear death (only the pain involved, I know where I’ll be after this life) I dont feel needed anyway, like I just take up valuable space. My husband does the best he can, he works a very physically demanding job, so on top of that he has me to deal with. Life just sucks for me now.
Hello Angie. Thank you for sharing and for your honesty. My heart broke for you as I read. I’m so sorry. It sounds so, well, lonely and scary. Do you have anyone that you can really talk with, besides your husband? We all need some good safe people in our lives, but they can be hard to come by. Please feel free to reach out here anytime. I’ll be glad to listen and help however I can.
At less than 5 months since losing my wife, Lois, each day really is putting one foot in front of the other. I can’t steer the ship now at all. I leave that in God’s hands. I’m in groundhog day. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can occasionally get through a day without falling apart. So I can see hope, but setting goals for the future is out of the question. When you lose someone you loved more than life itself it is hard to see life in the same light as you once did. Dreams are gone unless and until God gives me new ones. The treadmill has to end at some point. Until then I’ll continue to seek God’s will and pray for the strength to carry it out.
Hi Jim. Thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry about Lois. I really like what you’ve shared here – so well put, authentic, and real. Yes, we simply lean into God and let him carry us. We’re in the Grief ICU of sorts, and can seem to do much for ourselves. And it’s hard to imagine what life can even be like now. So, we leave that in much larger and more capable hands than ours. There is no “figuring it out.” There is only trust in the One who loves us perfectly. Thanks again, Jim. Praying for you now…
Ing my name is joy I lost my daughter June will be 4 years ago. I started a grief group for bereaved parents called Walking With Jesus Through child loss I would encourage you to join where a wonderful group of encouraging parents helping each other the best we can to get through this journey each of us latch onto different members because other members have closer relations to how they lost their child than others I like you just wanted to die I felt like I was taking up space that could be used better for someone else but I had ate an epiphany. And I’m in such a good place right now I would love to share that with you so much so I’m going to give you my number and welcome you to call me my number is 904 9234603 I’m here and happy to Shar my journey and help in anyway I can.
Thank you, Joy!
Joy, I’m going to join that group and can I text you as well? My sons anniversary is next Saturday and I can’t bear it! Or you can text or call me,5185886660. Sharyn
I feel stuck all the time I go to work come home lay in my bed and wander why my son had to be murder at such an early age,in a million years I never thought it would have happen
Hell Teletha. Oh no. I’m so sorry. How awful. No, none of us would ever believe this could happen. No wonder you feel as you do. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. Blessings to you, Teletha.
Each morning I start the day with cup of coffee then get dressed and go to work. Work is pretty much the usual. By 4:15 im back home. Changed into my comfy clothes grab a glass of wine something to eat and wait till 9 to go to bed. It’s like that every day. I don’t have it in me to change anything. I almost feel at comfort but it also scares me that my life got so limited since i lost my son Dominique two years ago….and if i do something more …something more exited i don’t feel the life in it.
I’m sick …I’m sick in living. I don’t feel alive I know I am because I breath but I don’t feel alive….
Izabela, thank you for commenting and sharing. I’m so sorry about your son. Yes, we don’t have the energy to do anything at times but go through the motions. Life has changed. And yes…we’re alive, but can feel like we’re not really living. Please feel free to share here anytime. Do you have anyone where you are that you can share freely with? Please be kind to yourself, Izabela.
Hi Isabelle I’m so sorry for the loss of your son I lost my daughter 4 years ago this June I started a group for bereaved parents I’ll leave the link below I would like to invite you to join us I’m sure you will find some love compassion and definitely understand them within our membership I hope you reach out to us