Patience. I seem to struggle with that.
I guess that’s not surprising. I live in a world where I can google “repairs” and get over 3 billion results in 0.76 seconds. Daily life moves at warp speed. Everything seems to be changing all the time. The pace is dizzying.
I don’t have time to wait for anything. No wonder I feel impatient.
On top of this, I tend to be hard on myself. I demand a lot from me. And when I get hit by loss, ironically I tend to expect even more. I don’t even try to be patient with myself.
Sad, right?
And yet, life requires patience – lots of it. Especially when we’re hurting from a loss.
Our hearts are stunned, broken, and perhaps even shattered. We need space to breathe, grieve, and do less somehow. We don’t often give ourselves this space. Other people don’t seem to give it to us either.
Patience.
I find myself thinking about this because of a recent interview I did regarding my book, Please Be Patient, I’m Grieving. I reminded myself, through my own written words, to give myself a break now and then.
Maybe you need a break too. If you’re not familiar with the book (or even if you are), please take a listen to the interview. We grieving hearts can feel so misunderstood. It hurts. We need support, acceptance, and love. We need patience.
I’m going to practice breathing deeply for a few moments. Would you care to join me?
Be patient with yourself today.
Question: Do you tend to be hard on yourself – even when you’re grieving? Has anything helped you be more patient with yourself? Thanks in advance for sharing…
Good Morning Gary, I bought your book Shattered and I will give it to my daughter when I am through with it. I just have a few more pages to read. I have shared my story with you before I believe. I am the grandmother of two stillborn grandson’s to two of my daughters. Carter would be twelve now and yes as the years passed it did get easier to talk about him. Isaiah would be eight months now and I am deeply in grief. He was born still on June 21st to a cord accident to my youngest daughter. I want to fill better but I am having a hard time. I am planning on retiring from my job this coming June. I have good days and bad days and yes at work I have to hide my feelings because I am a bookkeeper at a middle school, so you have to put on a happy face. This has been a hard journey. I am blessed with other grandchildren, the oldest twenty-four and the youngest four. I am a Christian and one of my hardest questions is why would God let this happen in my family twice. I am happy for all the families having healthy babies but I just can’t get past that. That is where I am stuck and it is probably Satan putting that question in my mind. I pray God helps me with it and gives me peace about it. I love God and I know he wants the best for me and my family. A quote I have read is so true “One of the hardest things you will ever go through is seeing your child hurt and knowing you can’t fix it”. Please pray for me and my family.
Hello Marcia. Oh my. What a lot of loss…of children too. I’m so sorry. Marcia, no wonder you’re feeling as you are and asking the questions you’re asking. Our minds spin, and our hearts sometimes need to ask questions just to “get it out” and begin to settle over time. I’ll be praying for you. Please feel free to email me anytime to talk further about this. So much happens in this world that just doesn’t make sense and we don’t understand. Please be very kind to yourself, and please feel free to write, ask quesitons, or vent anytime.
Dear,
I dont know what to say as I am a grieving mother for 21 years for my son Rade my only child.I cope with grief helping from my husband but I lost him 3 years ago and I am alone and fight each day and dont know how.I have two grandson live in America but they dont care for me and I am so disappointed.I have no wish no nothing to live and fight for.Days are passing so my hard days too. I read much easy books.I have no strangth to meet myself and this way I am escape from my pain.With regards
Hello Danica. Thank you for sharing with me, and with us. I’m so sorry about Rade, and about your husband. Two such huge losses – no wonder you feel as you do. It sounds hard, and lonely. We’re here to support you and help if we can. Please feel free to share here anytime, Danica. Do you have anyone where you are that you can share your heart and grief with? Blessings to you…
Hi Gary, I truly enjoyed this. Yes! I am very hard on myself. In addition, I have become more of a recluse. People expect a lot from us and I have learned that some just don’t care and don’t want to hear about our loved one, feelings, etc. I understand they feel as they do because they have not walked our path. I have had to “alienate” myself (for lack of better word) from others to give myself time, to heal and grieve as I need to. It’s been a year and a half since losing my child to suicide, I went back to work over 2 months ago. I put on my happy face and get through each work day the best way I can, I still have meltdown days where the pain is unbearable, but I am allowing myself to feel it, I am learning to not be so hard on myself, I am learning this pain will always be with me but as time progresses it’s becoming different. Thank you, Gary, for your wonderful and comforting resources, hugs and peace to you. I am grateful for all you do.
Hi Mitzi. Nicely put. Goodness. Yes, this is how it goes for so many of us. We try to be real and authentic, get hurt again, and then settle in to getting through the day with as little upheaval at work as possible. Slowly, we allow ourselves to feel the pain, as we can. Well done. Please be kind to yourself along the way. We’re in the Grief Hospital, and it takes time to stablize. Please reach out here anytime. Blessings to you, Mitzi.
I am my worst critic; yes, I’m hard on myself in most every aspect of “self.”
I don’t think anything actually helps but I do compare myself with others who are grieving to “see how I measure up to them.”
That sounds awful, but it is truth.
Hi Connie. Thanks for sharing so honestly. You’re not the only one who does this. Most of us do, on some level. It’s hard not too. We wonder how we’re doing, so we naturally look around us at others. Praying for you now…that you would be gracious to yourself! Praying that for myself too…