By Laurie Martin, Citizen Contributor

Dear Laurie,

I feel like I walk on eggshells around a friend. She gets upset easily and I just want to keep her calm and positive. But I noticed by me walking on eggshells, I'm not expressing myself like I want too. And, it's frustrating. How can I just be myself and communicate?

Diane,

Thank you so much for your question. I'm so glad you noticed that it doesn't feel good. When we are so-called walking on eggshells, we are trying to keep the peace because we are overly concerned with the reaction of the other person. When we do this, we are giving our power away to that person. The question to ask ourselves is, "Why are we giving our power away to this person?" "What do we fear?" What is the worst that can happen if we are ourselves?" "Do we want this type of relationship?" Or do we want to be able to feel comfortable, free and relaxed in our relationships? And, even if it's a family member, someone we see often, we don't have to take on the responsibility of how someone else responds.

Our job is to be a good communicator and stay true to ourselves. This means if we are unsure about something, we ask and we use clear communication expressing our needs and expectations and enforcing our boundaries. If we feel strongly about something, we state it. And we observe our own reactions and notice if we are responding appropriately or if we are reacting from our own "stuff." If it's from our own stuff, we look at it, look at our ego, agendas, issues, stories, judgments, fears, jealousies, uncomfortable feelings, observe it and process it. The healthiest way to communicate is to process our strong emotions before speaking. We don't want to pass on our anger, frustration or hurt to others.

Practice these steps for successful communication tips. They are extrapolated from my book, "Language of the Heart."

1. Before speaking, set your intention to yourself. For example: "My intention for this communication is to express from my heart, share my feelings, listen and connect with the other person in a respectful manner. I choose to respond calmly from a place of power. I intend to speak in a way that recognizes this person is an infinite divine being and perfect expression of themselves."

2. Eliminate the need to embellish and exaggerate. Avoid words or phrases that will put someone on the defensive, such as "you always," "you never," "you should," "you are wrong," "what you need to do is," "everyone else thinks this, too." Don't tell the other person how they are feeling. Stay away from name calling, insults, bullying, pointing out negative things about the person, yelling, cursing and running out of the room.

3. Express how you feel, using feeling words such "I feel," not "you made me feel," because the latter puts you in a victim mode — not an empowering energy. No one can make us feel a particular way unless we choose to feel that way. Express what you need in the form of a request such as, "I would feel more comfortable if (fill in the blank.)"

There are times when, for our own personal empowerment, it is necessary to speak up. You are the one who determines what is best for you. Trust your inner guidance, trust how you feel and use your voice at the appropriate time. A great question to ask yourself is, "What action feels the most loving and empowering?"

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Laurie Martin is a certified life coach, yoga teacher and writer. She is the author of three books: "Language of the Heart: Unconditional Love, Living Fully Empowered," "Smile Across Your Heart: The Process of Building Self-Love," and an e-book, "The Conscious Breakup Guide, Navigating Yourself Through the End of Your Relationship." Visit Laurie's website and sign up for her free newsletter at www.smileacrossyourheart.com.